?

October 17, 2010

Who am I? What kind of person do I want to be? What do I want out of life? Why?

Honest questions.

Believe

October 14, 2010

I need something to believe in. I need to know there’s something worth working for, something worth fighting for. Right now, it feels like there’s nothing.

l’espirit de escalier

September 9, 2010

l’espirit de escalier – (trans: staircase wit) the feeling of thinking of all the things you should have said after a conversation is over.

Passed Down

August 30, 2010

Any time I discuss a problem I have with my mom, she never fails to remind me that I’m still young and I shouldn’t worry so much. Something to keep in mind, I guess.

Strength

July 14, 2010

There are different kinds of strength. Physical, mental, emotional. At times I’ve felt stronger at some of these than others.

I’ve always thought that when you’re entering a relationship with someone, if you aren’t already strong, then you need to push yourself to be stronger than you were before. Because now not only are you being strong for yourself, you’re being strong for two. It used to be that I was so unsure of how strong I was, that I wouldn’t allow myself to take on that responsibility for fear of letting someone down.

When I think about it now though, I wonder if I expect too much from myself. We can’t all be pillars of strength, completely comfortable with how we act and deal in different situations. To expect a level of strength above where you are now, right from the start, is perhaps setting yourself up to fail from the beginning, and I think that’s what I’ve been doing.

I’d actually like to hear from other people about what they expect of themselves when they enter into a relationship. Do we all strive to be something more than we are now? Or are we rushing into it without taking proper care and consideration of if we’re capable?

Lincoln’s Melancholy

June 4, 2010

http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/print/2005/10/lincoln-apos-s-great-depression/4247/

An excellent article talking about Abraham Lincoln’s life-long battle with depression, and how it shaped him as a man, and influenced him as a leader. Truly fascinating.

Confidence, Optimism

May 22, 2010

Two things I have dealt with often in my life, confidence and optimism. I wonder if it’s necessary to be confident in one’s self in order to be optimistic about things. Or, if you are optimistic, does that automatically improve your confidence?

Confidence is actually mentioned in the definition of optimism, but to me the words are not synonyms. Though, they are very closely related. Confidence is to be sure of yourself in the present, in your current state of being. But optimism is the hope of something in the future, a future sense of confidence almost?

To me, optimism always implied that there was a chance things would not go positively. It allows for variables, for outside influences. You’re just hoping for the best. But confidence, particularly over-confidence, can shut out those outside variables. There’s a thin line where people become so oblivious to what’s happen around them, they are so wrapped up in their confidence that they are not aware of reality. Over-optimism, a term I’m not even sure actually exists but I’m saying it, operates much the same way, in that you are so convinced something positive will happen that you ignore everything else.

I’ve always tried to toe the line between confidence and over-confidence, optimism and realism. Because I want to allow myself to see every possibility that exists, to accept the fact that I may not always be right, that things may not always work out positively. Sometimes I wonder if I try too hard to be this moderate, and that things neither go positive or negative they just stay standing still.

But then I see someone like P.K. Subban. Here is a 21 year old, who gets called up to the Montreal Canadienes, hockey’s most historic franchise, in the most important time of year, the playoffs. He is being thrown right into the fire. Yet, when you see him play, and hear him speak, you see the confidence this man has despite the odds being against him. He is excelling in a position that would almost certainly spell disaster for many. And yet he is fully aware of his surroundings, the fact that this is such a rare and special opportunity. It is not a case of being over-confident, he is just so grounded and aware that he can’t help but be confident, and be optimistic of his team’s performance and his own. This is someone I would like to model myself after.