May 15, 2010

In any unsuccessful experience in life, you end up taking something away from it. Learning from past mistakes, I guess. You’re then supposed to take what you learned, and use it to help you avoid those mistakes again, to create better opportunities and situations in the future.

Going back 2 or 3 years, I thought at the time I was a fairly mature person with a good head on my shoulders. I made sound decisions and tried to do the right thing. But looking back, I see that I wasn’t very mature when it came to feelings and emotions, and how to deal with them. Rather than confront them and open up, I chose to ignore or neglect them. I kept it inside, and refused to let it out. From where I stand now, I don’t think that is a healthy choice to make. It creates nothing but confusion and chaos. I’m not proud of some choices I made then, and I want to be a better man going forward.

But what I’m thinking now is, yes I realize the mistakes I’ve made and how I can be better in the future. But what good does that do me now, in the present? You don’t just walk out the door and throw your emotions and feelings at the nearest person available to you. I have to wait, and let the opportunities make themselves. I can’t make them happen for me yet. And I won’t lie, it’s pretty frustrating. Is my patience waning as I grow older?


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